Can't Be Arsed

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I could write best selling novels.

I could be a catwalk model.

I could cure Coronavirus.

I could chat up Miley Cyrus.

I could drink 10 pints of Stella.

I could have hair like Paul Weller.

I could relaunch Cadbury’s Fuse bars.

But I can’t be arsed.


I could scale the Himalayas.

I could make pasties for Sayers.

I could star in porno movies.

I could make myself a smoothie.

I could have a six pack belly.

I could write sitcoms for telly.

I could get drunk in Soho bars.

But I can’t be arsed.


I could banish all house spiders,

Reboot ten Hadron Coliders,

Peel an orange in my pocket,

Pilot NASA’s latest rocket.

I could sing like Shirley Bassey,

Make Ferrari’s latest chassis.

I could play guitar like Mick Mars.

But I can’t be arsed.


I’d run faster than Usain Bolt,

I’d fix the San Andreas fault,

I’d rid the world of corporate greed,

I’d fly at supersonic speed,

I’d learn to drive an HGV,

I’d teach LIz Truss her ABC,

I’d find a rhyme for this next line,

If I could be arsed.


People say that I’m just lazy,

But that word will never phase me.

They call it procrastination,

But life’s got a long duration.

The early worm got ate by birds,

The second mouse gets to the curd.

One day this world could all be ours.

One day I’ll be arsed.