They’re not poisonous, harmful or smelly,

They slide around gardens on their belly

Like Magnum’s moustache covered in jelly,

Fearing salt and the sole of a welly.

‘Cause nobody likes a slug.


A bit like a snail with nowhere to live,

Less welcome than a pervy relative.

A pellet’s the only thing you’d give,

Cruelty even RSPCA forgive.

‘Cause nobody likes a slug.


They’ve evolved to this from the dawn of time,

They always leave a trail of slime,

But is this such a heinous crime?

Should’ve asked Percy Thrower in his prime

Why nobody likes a slug.


Are they all males or are there some ladies?

If there are then do they have babies?

Do they bite? Will it give you rabies?

To me it’s all ifs and maybes,

But nobody likes a slug.